Man oh man have I ignored this thing for so long.. I only have a few minutes so I thought ehh why not... Things are pretty good right now, typical stress at the J. O. B. but you will have that. The summer is back to semi normal, no more weddings or babies coming that I know of for now. Courtney had a darling baby girl, Gracelynn is her name, and Heather had a beautiful wedding, my life is very blessed with the both of them in it. Not to mention I'm jealous of these itches :P..... "Oh someday" I say.

I keep chuggin along working out life's kinks as I go. One of these days I will get it right I hope. I feel a personal change settling in again. I like these changes, they allow me to look back and see how much I have really grown. It's a good feeling and it's even better when others notice it too. I still wonder if I have made many right decisions sometimes. From breaking big hearts to breaking my own to here I am now. I chose work over everything for the longest time and now I think I am really missing out. (sigh) "Oh well,.. someday"

We had the stupidest argument the other day (yes I said "stupidest"). Over toilette paper! Who does that?! It was one that really got me tickin and wondering how much I really do around here and why. To only feel appreciated and like I really mean something would be the best gift. I don't feel like I'm asking for much. Only when I go to work and work hard, and then come to my sanctuary and work more. My natural frustration rises and with that comes stress. I try to only smile and contain my emotions, but I have to be human too, right?

(Oh hunny I love you,... bless your heart)

I have been trying to improve the way I see and handle things. That's not an easy task, mind you, I am a red head. :) After feeling the health effects of letting so much get to me, I can say I never want to feel like that again. It was scary. SO much had happened all at once and the result of having no outlet was painful. I literally could have drove myself to the crazy bin. Depression, anxiety, fear and wanting control is not a good mix of feelings. Especially when u mix in anger and the words "I don't care". I had to just chill. Unfortunately, the one I could always call when I needed her in these times is no longer a phone call away, so solving this on my own has been ehh.

But it will be alright.

where to go from here...

Today was a day of celebration for our close friends Ashley & Clint. One of the three weddings we are attending this year. Embarrassed to say we couldn't stay for much of the celebration. I feel like we are awful people right now and I'm not sure to blame you or not. Our friends care a lot about us and I feel like we have let them down, you and me together. You are making things very hard for me to handle any more and my heart keeps breaking. I don't understand why you stay away for so long in the evenings after work and now we are back to this. You can't go out and have a good time anywhere without realying on alcohol. And then there's today. I'm not sure who to be right now, the angry girlfriend who has had enough or the sympathetic girl whose heart is bigger than the world and will find someway to forgive you again.. I poor my heart and soul into loving you and it doesn't seem like it is ever going to make a difference. I've lost a lot of hope. I look at others who are starting lives and families together and envy what they have while you leave me at home alone to wither in my loneliness some more. I try finding things to occupy my time so I'm not at home waiting on your call or for you to walk through the door, but it's pointless bc I still wonder and worry. I don't think you will ever realize what you are doing to me until it's all over with. I have grown to accept and love lots of things about you and you gave me your family and your daughter at a time in my life when I needed the love that they provide and now you are taking it all away. It's not fair. Where did the man go who loved me truly? That man was happy. I want him as my partner, not you. It's unclear where we go from here and it will continue to be painful on my end, bc as long as I keep sacrificing my wishes and wants in life, and block my heart, it keeps me here, in your daughter's life. And she is everything to me little do you care. My heart goes so deep for this little girl. I hate asking myself what it is I need to do when I'm the last person who is capable of only thinking about her self.

Hipity Hop... Easter's on it's way

Easter is my favorite holiday of the year! The smell of spring air, tulips, and seeing new life being born is something to feel happy about. And let's face it, the best candy is out at this time too! (It's also not too far off from my birthday)

Even though I don't have any children of my own, I still count on miss Aydia to share all the traditional holiday things with. Besides, it brings out the kiddo in me and well... I love being a "big" kid :) Since she still believes in Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, I'm gonna milk it while I can! I always make up an easter basket for her; I strongly believe in putting effort into these things instead of taking the easy route and buying a pre-made one from Walmart. It just seems so commercial and taking your kid pick out their own basket? Com'on people, really?! (sorry, not to be overcritical) 5 yrs at walmart will kill ya.

There I go off topic again... where was I?...

Oh so making up her basket is the best! We haven't done the egg decorating yet, but to my surprise the Mr mentioned this is something he wanted to do. (Ha! I love this guy and all his little life surprises) I can't wait to see this! We also meet up at his grandma Derr's for a nice dinner and a good ol' fashioned egg hunt. Then Aydia has to hunt for her basket! (poor girl, Mr always finds a tough hiding spot for it, it's the small sinful fun we get to have) lol I like to take my famous shortcake dessert, which in my eyes is a perfect fit for spring :) (I'll be sharing the recipe soon) I wish I had those awesome jello molds for egg shaped jigglers! Jello is always so much better tasting in shapes. That's something I need to get online and find for next year.

Smile,

Easter's on it's way! :)

Things I luv..

Been pretty uneventful the past couple of days besides preparing myself mentally for this new workload March 1st brings. Thus has given me soo much time to surf the web! (not something that comes easy bc it can waste tons of time in a day) So you can say this is rare, but exciting!

I must share what I have found...

a little site here and there that may come to some use in a blue moon. A little eye candy for myself lets say.

Stationary and printed goodies

Scrapbooking page ideas

Farm house wares : coolest site for me!

all located in the Things I luv so they won't be forgotten :)

Smile!

nothing much of something.

Taking a look outside, I see that Ohio is looking like a shaken snow globe once again. Times like these make a great movie day.

Speaking of, Julia and Julia was a movie to my entertainment.

Humbly, I feel like Julia much of the time... starting things I intend to finish, but finding myself with several incomplete projects. Over time I have collected many odds and ends to different hobbies I enjoy. All to which i should focus on one at a time I suppose :) (Hardly enough time to do so anyhow.)

As the worlds best bargain shopper I am ( yes I'm gloating on the great deals I seem to find) I can barely pass up a thrifty deal to add to my congested closet of hobbies. Shamefully, it has become just that, a congested closet! Somewhat Organized I must plead. See..

All my favorite loves are behind these doors:

Spray paint, Sewing Machine, Photo Printer,

Scrapbook papers and embellishments.. you get what I'm saying.

This will do for now until I can turn an extra bedroom into an imaginable crafting studio!!

Cheers!

Poor Blogger..

Poor Blogger,

I have ignored you for few weeks now. I'm working on it though. The schedule has been crazy, life has been busy and I've been too tired to try anything new. I need to get it together and get my mojo back!

Stopped at Hobby Lobby the other day, I did. (I couldn't bare to live without that place!) Picked up a few things. Gonna try some silk screen paint to decorate this "blah" of a sweatshirt I have. I love it's comfy-ness but it's not something I prefer to wear in public. It's too great to leave in the closet, so with a little magic and a few mice friends I think it can become a Cinderella :) (too many kid movies, I know) I also explored over to the bead isle. I want to make a charm that fits my vintage style I've got in mind. So hopefully all turns out well. It's a slow process, (shame on me) finding the time and motivation is the key.

Um...hmm.. ?

Sorry Blogger I'm in a rut.

Please excuse my scattered thoughts..

Lately I have been struggling with ideas, projects, and anything creative in general. I have creators block big time! I went to an interview at one of the best design firms around this area and came out rethinking what I really want out of all this. It was a great interview, don't get me wrong.

Everyone can get to a point where what you love can become no longer enjoyable. I think I'm lost on what to do, as I am attempting to raise this block off my brain! I discovered last night a lady I follow on here keeps a Journal but it's not just an ordinary journal. Her journal is writings, doodles, art and all kinds of things. I'm totally inspired. She stated that she carries around her book, a few crayons or markers and a newspaper or magazine. I've never truly kept a journal, so this could be a challenge.

I'm thinking I can do this! I have all the time in the world (not really, but I'll make time) to do something like this if it is going to help me find my creative side again. My problem is there are soo many hobbies I am into and can't seem to finish any. My biggest threat is of course, my career. If I can't create then I have no job. Simple as that. So I best get to it!

She posted a few books that inspires her and they were neat, I think a trip to Barns and Noble is in my agenda to find a few inspiring journaling books myself.